The story of Return and Rest begins more than a decade ago, in the summer of 2014. I was parenting and homeschooling my two sons, who were nine- and six-years-old at the time. I had recently taken on a leadership role in Classical Conversations, a national home education organization we were part of. That role required me to do some hard things and walk into unknown places. Alongside that, I wrote worship materials, taught studies, and sometimes spoke at retreats for my local church. I was in prayer groups and discipleship ministry.
In other words, I was spinning a lot of plates.
More often than not, I found myself overwhelmed, uncertain of how to proceed, and exhausted.
I wondered where on earth the abundant life Jesus talked about in John 10:10 was. I was just running on fumes, experiencing stolen joy, dampened dreams, and distant hope. Honestly, I wasn’t following Christ as much as following the path of the next item on my to-do list. My identity was centered more in what I did than in who I was resting in.
But I didn’t know it at the time.
In the midst of the overwhelm, I began to cry out to God for some answers about how to manage it all, to survive the demands, the deadlines, and the self-imposed drive.
He pointed me to Isaiah 30:15: “In returning and rest shall be your salvation. In quietness and trust shall be your strength. But you would have none of it.”
Ouch.
He had me dead to rights. I was having none of the ways He offered salvation and strength. I was too busy running my own show, spinning my plates, and trying to serve by striving.
There was a disconnect between what I said I wanted (rest and strength) and my actions. My actions revealed that my heart was out of alignment with what I professed I wanted and out of alignment with the Lord. Would I be willing to do what was needed?
I started praying about my heart. I regularly prayed Romans 12:2, asking God to transform me through the renewing of my mind. I asked Him to draw me out of conformity to the culture of productivity and performing that was swallowing me.
As He worked in my heart, I began to realize how many obstacles stood in the way of returning and resting in Him. It was almost as if there were forces outside of me conspiring against developing a restful, intimate relationship with God. (Go figure. The Bible talks about enemies of our souls.)
Over the next months and years, God began working on my self-absorbed heart. He asked me to break up with Wonder Woman and start leaning into Him instead of an unattainable role model.
Throughout those days, I kept returning to Isaiah 30. Not just verse 15, but more of it. I found myself meditating on both the story revealed in it and the promises made. For years I would return to this passage, studying and meditating on different aspects of what I found there.
Alongside that, the Holy Spirit began leading me through various practices which opened my eyes to things creating stress instead of rest, to my striving instead of living in my security in Christ. There became a recognizable rhythm to identifying and overcoming the obstacles that so warred against me. As I journaled and reflected on that, a process emerged.
And wouldn’t you know it? All the steps God had been leading me through to identify and overcome obstacles were tied to principles found in this one chapter of Scripture. (And reaffirmed throughout the Bible.)
Return and Rest began to take shape as a manuscript because I wanted other people to be able to see the wonder, the tenderness, and the patience of God. I wanted others to discover the gracious heart He has for us, and the ways He has provided for us to return and rest in Him.
I hope you will find His invitation to return and rest in Him as compelling as I have. He is a good, good Father.
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